# Almost Tragic: Shakespeare's Not-Dead Heroines

## Metadata

- Slug: almost-tragic
- Type: Full-length Play
- Genre: Dramedy
- Acts:
  - 1 act
  - 2 acts
- Duration: 60–90 minutes
- Cast:
  - Medium (7-14)
  - Large (15+)
- Cast Summary: 11-20f, 0-9m, flexible ensemble (minimum cast of 9 with doubling, see casting note for more info)
- Movement Requirements: Flexible - involves stabbing a dead body, and one or two swordfights
- Technical Requirements: Minimal, flexible
- Performing Groups:
  - Professional Theatre
  - Community Theatre
  - College/University
  - High School/Secondary
- Primary Image: https://content.uproartheatrics.com/4a05nb2p1blilrhqnxz6mjruimfa

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## Authors

- By Laura Neill (author slug: laura-neill)

## Overview

**What if the women of Shakespeare’s tragedies didn’t die?** What if Juliet realized she didn’t want to kill herself for a guy she met days ago… and Gertrude put a stop to everyone getting poisoned at the end of Hamlet? Imagine what would happen to Iago’s daughter and Desdemona’s cousin, after Othello… or the witches from Macbeth, after their prophecy has been fulfilled.
**Wouldn’t all these women be ready for grander adventures?** Ultra-modern language. Classic Elizabethan setting. Exceptional roles for women. Four short plays bundled together into one hilarious, thought-provoking collection, complete with swordfights. An optional final scene ties the stories together.
**Looking to license an individual show? Here you go:
[Juliet Wakes Up](https://www.uproartheatrics.com/shows/juliet-wakes-up), [After Hereafter](https://www.uproartheatrics.com/shows/after-hereafter), [Iago's Daughter](https://www.uproartheatrics.com/shows/iagos-daughter), [The Revenge of Gertrude](https://www.uproartheatrics.com/shows/the-revenge-of-gertrude)
Now, back to that final scene and its three options:
1. Perform the final scene as written.
2. Leave the final scene off entirely, letting the four pieces stand on their own.
3. Write your own final scene tying the characters together.
Option 3 sound enticing but want some assistance? We've got an optional 90-minute workshop with playwright Laura Neill to help guide you.

## Plot

*Juliet Wakes Up:*
Juliet wakes up and discovers Romeo has poisoned himself. She's about to kill herself in despair, except... instead she panics and stabs his dead body. Her cousin Rosaline (Romeo's ex) and Willow (the apothecary's apprentice) are covering up their own contributions to Romeo's death. So when the somehow-still-not-dead Romeo stumbles in, Juliet has to make a decision: will she try to save her husband? Or will she make sure he's really dead so they can all start new lives on the run?
*After Hereafter:*
The Weird Sisters just heard about the fallout of their “shalt be king hereafter” prophecy. Macbeth is dead, Scotland is in ruins, etc. The three of them react differently to this news: Verity wants to change their ways and deliver more uplifting prophecies. Elmgard wants to continue their tradition of passing on Hecate’s prophecies from the anachronistic fax machine in their cave. And Lenny wants to go rogue and deliver the bloodiest prophecies possible. Which of the witches is fated to get her way? And does fate have anything to do with it, anyway?
*Iago’s Daughter:*
After Abby’s father Iago has ruined literally everything by creating an insidious handkerchief plot–and oh yeah, murdering Abby’s mom–Abby is sent to a nunnery to work in the chores alley. Which is fine, because she’s done laundry before and she’ll do it again. Until Brittany, a noble daughter looking to escape, shows up–and she’s Desdemona’s cousin. Brittany aims to convince Abby to run away with her… on horses named Middleton and Staffordshire? Abby tells Brittany she’s staying, and, finally believing someone might actually want to be her friend, convinces her to stay.
*The Revenge of Gertrude:*
It's the end of Hamlet, and no one's dead except Claudius. Gertrude swapped out Laertes's poison for honey, and she's just about done with all these dumb boys and their plans. Fortinbras attempts to claim the throne, but starts crying when he realizes everyone is alive and he doesn't get to be king of Denmark. Who will be king? Gertrude waits to see if anyone will remember the kingdom has a queen. They don't. She poisons them all again—this time with a sleeping potion—so they can accept her rule from the dungeons. Except a furious Ophelia and her band of warrior maidens storm the throne room, demanding justice for Polonius' death (like Laertes originally wanted to—remember?). (Did you really think Ophelia drowned in a creek you can stand up in?!?) Ophelia only gets more furious upon seeing her brother lying there unconscious. Ophelia and Gertrude swordfight. Gertrude works in edgewise that she didn't actually kill Laertes and he's only sleeping. Admiring each other's sword skills, Ophelia and Gertrude decide to leave the kingdom to its own mess and go become pirates. Ophelia will come back to duel Hamlet when he's awake, but for now... the high seas await.
*Optional ending scene:*
The witches make a new prophecy, one they invent themselves. They imagine a world where they have true power, and where young women are free to rule, form true friendships, terrorize the oceans, and cute stuff like that. Juliet, Willow, and Rosaline are on their way to Venice, having dumped Romeo’s body in a lake. Their ship is boarded by Gertrude and Ophelia’s band of pirates. When Juliet confesses to killing Romeo, Gertrude and Ophelia invite the trio to join their band. They accept. And the prophecy comes true.

## Cast

| Name | Description |
| ---- | ---- |
| A NOTE ON CASTING: | All roles can be played by female or non-binary actors, regardless of the character’s gender. If casting with additional genders, the following roles can be played by male actors: Verity and Elmgard in AFTER HEREAFTER, and all speaking roles excluding Gertrude and Ophelia in THE REVENGE OF GERTRUDE. For possible doubling options, see the note at the beginning of the script. |
| JULIET | A teenager. Her new husband just killed himself and she, um, didn't.  |
| ROSALINE | A teenager. Half-heartedly playing the hero. Okay, quarter-heartedly. |
| WILLOW | A teenager. The apothecary's apprentice. Determined to get rid of the evidence. |
| ROMEO | A teenager. Killed himself with poison. Or did he mess it up? |
| VERITY | A witch. An idealist. Wants to make a positive difference in the world. |
| LENNY | A witch. An anarchist. Wants to be entertained.  |
| ELMGARD | A witch. A purist. Wants to follow the right path.  |
| ABBY | The daughter of Emilia and Iago. |
| BRITTANY | Desdemona’s cousin. |
| GERTRUDE | Queen of Denmark. Really, really tired of dealing with all these men. |
| OPHELIA | Not dead and ready to take revenge on Hamlet for killing her dad. *Can double as Fortinbras or Ambassador. |
| HAMLET | Prince of Denmark. So ready to be dead, and confused when he's not. |
| HORATIO | Hamlet's buddy. |
| LAERTES | Ophelia's brother. Originally planned to kill Hamlet but then felt bad about it and now he's alive and confused. |
| OSRIC | Court dude. |
| FORTINBRAS | Crown Prince of Norway. Really psyched about becoming King of Denmark. |
| AMBASSADOR | Fortinbras' ambassador to Denmark. Holds Fortinbras' hand through political stuff. |
| WARRIOR MAIDSERVANT 1 | One of Ophelia's entourage. Has a couple lines. *Can double as Courtier 1. |
| COURTIER 1 | A courtier in the court of Denmark. Has a couple lines. *Can double as Warrior Maidservant 1. |
| COURTIER 2 | A courtier in the court of Denmark. Has a couple lines. |
| CLAUDIUS | Live actor or a prop. Claudius is the one person in this play who's actually dead. You just need a body. Option to have someone playing the body twitch and moan until Gertrude's “thankfully, he's really dead.”  |
| COURTIERS  |  Non-speaking ensemble, as many as you'd like.
 |
| WARRIOR MAIDSERVANTS | Ophelia's entourage. Only speak to cheer for her. As many as you'd like. |

## Materials

### Available for additional fee:

| Name | Description |
| ---- | ----------- |
| Video Recording License | License to create an archival recording of the show that may be distributed to the cast and crew. This does not allow publicly posting the performance. |
| 60-Minute Talkback with the Creator | A 60-minute Zoom/Google Meet with one or more of the show's creator(s). Licensees and guests can ask questions, share experiences, and hear about the artistic journey of the show and creative team. This can be scheduled before or after the performances. If we are unable to make scheduling work, the cost will be refunded. |
| 90-Minute Writing Workshop with the Creator | Want some guidance in crafting your own final scene tying all four pieces together? Select this option, reach out to Uproar, and let us know what you had in mind. |